Ok, so I kind of feel like I'm getting better. The heart is still longing for him but my head is now starting to ask questions. I'm starting to see that there are gaps in his stories and maybe it is better that we're separate. I'm wishing him so much luck because I know there is something really big plaguing his life right now. I guess it's better he put me on a train in my sleep so when I wake, him and his problem(s) are far behind me. Ok, that was cheesy and I'm trying so hard to truly feel lucky.
I've been doing my best to keep my head busy. I've been reconnecting with the past a little and spent a really nice evening with Brad, my old high school boyfriend. We had so much fun together but a history, none the less. He still found himself apologizing over a delicious "flat" pizza and yummy house salad about the past. I have always been pretty easy to forgive someone who has wronged me but it takes a long time depending on the crime. Brad and I talked about our current situations and his is somewhat similar to mine.....I can't go in to all the details here since I DO keep some of my life private.
Brad played his guitar for me most of the night and shared his new music too. He was the only person to ever write a song for me. He played both songs and one of them made me tear up really bad. It feels good to know that the way that I am and the way that I live my life has a positive effect on people. It means a lot to know that even after all these years, Brad still cares a lot for me. It's so important in life to have people you can turn to. People, regardless of how long it has been since you've seen them, can still look to for guidance and reassurance. I've never had much of a problem being strong but this last week has been a true test of my abilities.
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