In an effort to heal my heart (or at least forget that I have one and that it's hurting like hell) I have been trying to stay at work as much as possible. I got to work at 6 P.M Saturday night for my 1st yearly review and stayed until 8:30 A.M. Sunday morning. I returned to work at 6 P.M tonight and worked until about 1 A.M. I think that it's safe to say I'm really hurting.
I tried to work the pain away and I guess I'm doing an ok job. I'm so sad though. Completely and totally let down, disappointed and angry. I still want reasons. I KNOW it has nothing to do with me. I stand by my word that I was honest and kind in every way. There's something bigger going on that he's not telling me. His past stories have holes that I could have fallen in to. Never mind all that, I'm still hurty.
I've been looking at the missed connection ads thinking maybe someone would have posted something there about me. I have NO idea why I'm so dreamy about all that. It's simple and kind of stupid. I read a few and wished someone was saying such nice things to me. I can't help but get teary eyed still. I think of our last night together and the last time I kissed his lips and the last time I pet his cat and the last time I let myself out of his house not knowing it would have been the last time.
I'm ready for all this hurt to go away. Of course, adding insult to injury, I pushed my small frame home about the same distance I pushed it Monday night except tonight the fucker WASN'T running. Note to self, I'll never push a running bike home ever again. I know that wasn't the demise of mine and D-bag's relationship. He's a confused man with so much to figure out. I pray for him that he finds it. He has much to offer.
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