Bliss

I'm trying so desperately trying to not get ahead of myself. He's making it hard. You know when you have those amazing firsts with people and you play them over and over in your head? Well that's what I've been doing ever since I got home this Afternoon. I wouldn't trade it even though I woke with a horrid hangover and felt like I was going to puke the eggs he made me for breakfast.

I knew when I saw him the very first time and he asked me to dance that there was attraction. We went running last Thursday which I was a bit nervous about only because I haven't run in over a month and I was worried he'd think I was lazy and fat. Turns out I ran twice as well as I normally do when he was pacing me. We talked, joked and enjoyed each others company. I was so happy. We agreed that we would start running more together.

If anything, he'll make for a fantastic running partner and motivation to keep my booty moving. I sure hope he becomes more than that though. I haven't felt that excitement spark in a while. Here's to taking it slow and steady, being gentle with myself, allowing my whole heart to feel, accepting kindness, keeping it simple and living each day with joy and excitement!

Lonesome Crowded West.

I first heard of Modest Mouse in early 1997 on a trip to Colorado where I met Barry. Funny that after all these years, Barry and I were recently reunited and talk here and there. I'm currently listening to an album that I call one of my favorites. The Lonesome Crowded West reminds me of so many different memories.

Riding The Orange Line to Midway, 1212 South Michigan Avenue where Brooke and Carina lived, Rain forest Cafe, living on Ainslie in Uptown and being depressed to name a few.

Anyways, I'm listening to it right now and my heart is happy (mostly).

This isn't all I wanted to say. But.......

Stephen contacted me about a month ago via e-mail regarding why we weren't talking anymore. I sighed deeply and thought, "Are you really going to write him?" Well, it took me a while but I did. I'm not sure why but I can't take it back now as it is in the past.

Needless to say, I wanted to write this blog to tell him what I couldn't say to his face. Of course, I can't really air it here on a public blog now can I? Let me just say for the record, 1. I have never played the victim, 2. I've never been called a "twit", 3. There isn't a person out there who would call me distant, selfish OR shallow. Just because you blew your chance does not mean I'm selfish. YOU are dumb.

You are a soul sucker. You were a ball and chain of the worst kind. You were emotionally fucked up and unable to relay your feelings in an adult manner EVER. I thought you changed but, as it would go, you are what you do when it counts, Stephen.

I blocked your phone number and your e-mail and expect to never, ever hear from you again. You're old news. Good luck getting by in life as you are. You're going to need it.