It has been a dream of mine for a long time to become a river guide for a Summer in Colorado. I don't see that happening this year but maybe it's time to start making changes to support that for the Summer of 2012.
I love the life of a river guide from what I've seen. Sleeping on upside down rafts, waking with the sun to beautiful scenery everyday and most of all, spending time on, in and around the river.
I developed a love for Colorado in 1997 and most likely would have ended up there had I not been dating JC at the time. Don't read that as I blame JC, I secretly think he kept me on track so I could be where I am today.
I need to get back to my life goals and doing things that make me feel good. Horseback riding and Vespas to name a few. Here's to hoping for a better year that 2010. Wake me up when December ends please. Thanks.
Friday, December 3, 2010
Wednesday, December 1, 2010
My Greener Grass is Brown.
I signed another year lease today which will put me in Austin for at least another year. Not that I'm upset about that or anything, it's just that time of year I think. I'm in a funk rut. I'm analyzing the things I do, the people I choose to do them with and wonder if there's something bigger that I'm meant to be doing. The grass is always greener, isn't it?
Last night I stayed in for the first time in maybe a year or so. I've never feel like I'm home when I'm home in this apartment. I don't know why. I agreed that if I stayed here in this place, I'd do more to make it my home. That will start with getting a washer and dryer and a dresser to put my clothes in.
It was this month that Stephen and I were to move into a house where we were to have chickens and a duck that we would call Soup. I've been thinking about him more than I'd like to lately. I guess I think about love and being in it and wondering if I ever was or if I'm capable of loving. I feel so skewed lately. So while I smile and go about my day, parts of me are wishing for simple things like cooking a meal with someone I cared about, cuddling on the couch, tending to the chickens together, seeing the tree lighting ceremony at The Capitol and other such small things that are taken for granted on a daily basis.
I miss my family too. I hate thinking about not being with them on Christmas. I hate that I'll be in front of this stupid computer that barely works trying to get my webcam to not fuck up long enough so I can actually see Mom and Dad.
Last night I stayed in for the first time in maybe a year or so. I've never feel like I'm home when I'm home in this apartment. I don't know why. I agreed that if I stayed here in this place, I'd do more to make it my home. That will start with getting a washer and dryer and a dresser to put my clothes in.
It was this month that Stephen and I were to move into a house where we were to have chickens and a duck that we would call Soup. I've been thinking about him more than I'd like to lately. I guess I think about love and being in it and wondering if I ever was or if I'm capable of loving. I feel so skewed lately. So while I smile and go about my day, parts of me are wishing for simple things like cooking a meal with someone I cared about, cuddling on the couch, tending to the chickens together, seeing the tree lighting ceremony at The Capitol and other such small things that are taken for granted on a daily basis.
I miss my family too. I hate thinking about not being with them on Christmas. I hate that I'll be in front of this stupid computer that barely works trying to get my webcam to not fuck up long enough so I can actually see Mom and Dad.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)