I have been sleeping pretty poorly lately. It could be due to this ever nagging cough I have or that my mind is racing while it should be focusing on the task at hand: SLEEP. On a side note, what's with all the kids with tons of tattoos and girls with black hair. Even though those tattoos are most likely original, they lack individuality by all dressing the same and dying their hair black. Ok, back to serious blog.
I sit at the office of our apartment complex on every off day I have, which isn't many, and watch the people outside in the pool. I wish I had the guts to go up to them and say hello but alas, I just don't have it in me. It's either that, or I just don't friends that badly. I woke much earlier than I had planned this morning and looked right at my phone, as usual. I've been feeling really sad lately about one friend in particular and how our relationship has kind of faded out. I think it's obvious to see that the two of us had a connection like none other. I'm pretty sure he was the one "great one" in my lifetime except he was never really mine at all. It was a false hope that anything could ever come of it. I don't bare my soul very often as there are so few who are worth of such honesty. And while I'd love to put every detail of our conversation here for everyone to read how agonizing it has been for me (us) I won't do that. Just know that my heart has known what it is to love someone completely.
So while my eyes are always looking at the goods and even touching some of them, my heart isn't 100% there. I doubt I'll ever meet another man who will make my eyes light up the way he did or someone who is as selfless as him. It's nice to know that there is at least one other person out there who knows ME. Who sees me for who I am and doesn't run away. Someone who can deal with a heart like mine. Ugh. Anyways, enough of this talk for now. It's been heavy on my mind for a long time and I'm sure I have a lifetime of this weight to go.
Work. Let's talk work. Yeah, work is actually going ok. I had a few really good days in a row and I'm feeling like a part of the team. I'm placing IV catheters, drawing blood, running lab work and being held accountable for patients care. It's a huge job and and an even bigger responsibility. Some of my work is still being overseen by the CCNs but this next level of learning that I've been given seems challenging. I'm going to learn all kinds of skills such as male urinary catheters, minor surgical monitoring (even though I've done a bit of it back home), learning to read blood smears and fecal tests. And beyond that, I'm LEARNING WHY things are the way they are not just spewing out answers because that's what I've heard in the past. This time I'll KNOW and have learned it on my own. Does that make sense?
I'm looking forward to 5 days off this week! Looks like a fun weekend ahead. Lots of music, dancing and booze. I predict some drunk dials and drunk, after hours swimming parties at our place! Wooo!
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