Running Away!

I don't have a runner's body. I may not appear athletic to many but let me tell you, when it comes to running, I'm pretty darn good at it! In the past 4 days, I have run 9 miles including Warrior Dash on Saturday that was a 5K muddy run! I had an absolute blast running in time with my co-worker, Jennie. I hadn't been training for about 3-4 weeks prior to Warrior Dash and still did pretty darn well. We managed to run the whole thing except for where we had to walk and wait to do the obstacles that were in our way. The best part of the day by far was the mud pit. I ran and dove face first, skinning my knee and getting mud on nearly every part of my body!

Anyways, I continue to be mostly happy and finding joy where I can. My new mantra is:

Today I will follow pleasurable pursuits that make my heart beat with a contented rhythm.

And I sure am.....

Broken Heart Recovery

My posts are few and far between lately. Sometimes when I'm driving late at night, I think of things to write in my blog but quickly tuck those little thoughts back in my mind and never mention them here.

I guess I don't want people to worry that I'm not ok because of something I wrote. I AM ok but have moments of sadness where I miss my friends and home. I suppose that is normal, right?

I remain single. I am realizing that I've never really recovered from mine and Derek's breakup. I guess that is what being 100% in love is like. It takes a while to recover. Last week, I walked into a place I frequent rather often and instantly got butterflies. I think my jaw was on the ground. I don't want to write too much about that because if for some reason he were to know how I reacted, he may think I'm a total weirdo. Anyways, I've lost my steam to write for now.

Rant

I'm sick of flaky people.


At least return a stupid message once and a while and don't fucking make plans if you can't keep them.


End of rant.

Under Your Spell Again

Strong, Soaring Eagle, Fierce Lil' Lion.

So as many know, I've been flying high. I ended my 5 days off by floating the river with Devin and Andy today and dancing to Johnny Falstaff and Mike and The Moonpies. Seriously, it was a perfect end to a really, really fun few days. Of course there is a catch.....

As I was having some Jarobie cuddle time, my phone went off. I was thinking, "Who would be sending me messages this late?" Really, it could have been any number of people but I wasn't expecting him. Yeah. So I looked in the mirror as I was taking out my contacts and said, "Millie, you are what you do when it counts." While his message was actually very sweet and personal, I've experienced that before. It's all sweet, sweet, sweet and then he flops like a fish and becomes a person I don't know and actually really dislike. I then quickly texted my "soul sister" and was freaking out for a split second. It was kind of a collected freak out, not an all out shit fit.

Her advice was turn off the phone. I didn't do that. I just didn't respond. I want to. I want to say a lot of things to him but I know that it is what soul sister calls the death spiral. When I kissed her goodnight just a few minutes ago, she said, "Remember, girl, you are strong." "Look at how happy and beautiful you are and where you're going." I reminded her that I knew I was strong and that I'm busy soaring. I'm an eagle, damn it! I'M AN EAGLE.

I'm kind of sorry I didn't respond to him because the kind, not selfish person in me want to reassure him he'll be fine without me. I just can't be with a man like him.

Master Plan in the Works?

While driving Rupert today, I started to get angry. I started thinking about the person who called me selfish. I thought to myself, "You sad, sick, lonely person." "You have no idea who you are and you're grasping so hard to find out and you might never know because you're too full of hatred to let go enough to learn." Then I thought to myself, I'm none of those things. I know just who I am and it isn't selfish. It's funny how people can bring you down. If I knew then what I know now, I guess I wouldn't be where I am but I could have done without some of the bull shit.

I have had THE best weekend! Yesterday takes the cake though. I got to spend time sunning with Michele who came to town for her birthday. We lay in her front yard (in tiny bathing suits) and caught some rays, caught up with each other and drank some yummy margaritas. It was the perfect Austin, Texas day. I love her. She is my soul sister. She confirms what I already know about myself and makes me feel good about the woman I am and who I am becoming. We both agreed that great things are coming my way and life can only go up from here. No more dead weight!

Tonight yields some more fun. Not dancing fun though! I've been taking it easy on my leg so I can start training for the run I'm doing with some friends in October. Tonight should be one for the record books, we'll see.

There's a plan in motion, I just can't see the whole picture just yet. I think soon all the pieces will come together and I'll be like, "OHHHHH.....right.....PERFECT!"

Reflection

A few short words today.

"You are what you do when it counts."

Try to fit that in to your life somewhere and learn from it.

I'll be busy reflecting.