Full Speed Ahead on Little Sleep!

It's been a long time since I've updated. I have a lot to write but have to get to work pretty soon.

I've been getting up early the past few days as it has been SXSW here in Austin and tons of great bands are playing free shows. My favorite band Lucero is going on in a few minutes but thanks to work, I'll miss them this time around. I did see Cory Branan today and Rocky Votolato yesterday so I suppose things aren't all bad. I also had the pleasure of catching a set by a girl named Lissie. She's from Rock Island, IL and my word can she sing. Do yourself a favor and listen to her song "Wedding Bells." It is what she opened with and brought tears to my eyes.

What else? Stephen and I are doing well. I'm more in love with him than I was a month ago. Things keep going in the right direction. Who knows, maybe someday we'll be hearing wedding bells. I'm looking forward to our move in together. We have big plans for another Aussie, some chickens and a white duck with orange feet and beak.

I have out of town guests staying with me starting tomorrow night through Wednesday morning. I'm so excited to see friends from home! I guess I should get my scrubs on and get headed to work. Looks like a shitty shift ahead. Two techs and two doctors on a Friday night. Awesome.

Winds of Change

I woke after only 6 hours of sleep. Part of me wanted to go back to bed and I even set my alarm for my regular waking time of....well, I guess no one needs to know when exactly I wake up BUT that doesn't matter because I didn't go back to sleep. Instead, I lay here in bed thinking.

Change seems to be the theme of my thoughts more recently. I can't go into detail but I feel the winds of change blowing and I am but a leaf in the wind. After the last few weeks, I've been thinking more about my life and where it is going. Who am I? What really makes me happy? What IS and ISN'T important? Who do I want in my life and how can I make more of the relationships that I have? So many questions. Some have answers and some answers are yet to be seen. I think my biggest issue right now is my schedule.

I love, love, love my job. I am blessed to have it and realize that every day. I just feel like I'm missing out on so much of what happens. Part of it could be because I'm still so new here and everything is exciting! Is it just burn out I'm experiencing? I don't know. Part of my fear is not being able to make the few trips home I have planned this Summer due to lack of PTO and scheduling flexibility. I also have the huge weight of a 1200 lb horse on my head (not literally, of course). Something has to give. I need to sell this animal as I am in waaaay over my head with her bills. I haven't seen her in almost two years! Regardless, it is going to be a losing situation.

So yeah, that's kind of where I'm at. I do my best to roll with the ups and downs but as of late, I'm questioning them a whole lot.

I Gained another "Notch" in my "Life Experience Belt"

So they say that life takes you through a multitude of experiences. My life couldn't be more true. Let me just say I am happy that the last 2 weeks of my life is over. They've been hard and really tested me. I've come out of the experience stronger and smarter than ever. I'm so blessed to have a handful of people who love me unconditionally and never pass judgement. Let me just say that I have some areas in my life I really would like to improve but there are also parts of my life that I wouldn't go back and change if you paid me (well maybe if it was a lot of money but not like $5).

I have a lot on my mind right now and some of it is just too much for the pages of my blog. Know that I'm well and have never been stronger. I hope in time, I'll be able to talk about my experience but until then, I'll reflect and cherish the person I am.

Grief

My mom hurt herself today. My heart is aching thinking about her being in pain and scared about when she's going to heal. We'll know more tomorrow but until then, all I can think about it wanting to fly home to hug her and reassure her she's going to be fine. She has my dad and luckily enough, he is off work for a few weeks so he can take care of her. I know she has a broken shoulder. I'm not certain where and I know she's very badly bruised. She was JUST saying how she was starting to feel good again too! She said she hasn't felt right after her gallbladder surgery up until now. I wish she could catch a break.

I'm so blessed in life to have a mom and dad who did and gave me everything they could. And when I say "gave" I don't just mean material things. I mean the stuff money can't buy. I'm a lucky woman. Please keep my sweet momma in your thoughts, prayer or whatever it is that you believe is healing.

Longing.

My long weekend off is coming to a close which always makes me feel sad. I think about going back to work, which I love my job, but don't love the late nights, weekends and holidays. I've been thinking about doing something to change that. My schedule has been mostly nice up until now. I'm now scheduled to work a few shifts up North. Not that that is a terrible thing but to go North on a Friday at 5 PM is absolute hell. Chances are I'll be late every time. Anyways....enough of that talk.

I'm not sure why but I'm feeling a bit low. I'm having a moment of missing my friends and family. I feel like I don't really have any real friends here like I did back home. Ugh. It's kind of stupid actually because I do have friends just not the quality I was used to back home. I find myself going places alone only to meet up with what I call "familiar strangers." We dance and have fun yet I know so little about their lives. I just miss having that close connection with people and wonder if it will ever happen here in Austin. I know it takes time and effort and I've kind of quit trying with most of the people I know here because they don't return the effort. It sucks.

Stephen and I went to the coast this weekend. It was a nice trip overall with a few really rough moments followed by some really amazing moments. It's funny how you can go through the whole spectrum of emotions in a weekend. Camping on the beach was neat. It is something I'd love to do again with a big group of people....oh wait....I don't know a big group of people. I think the most exciting part was waking up and going over to the harbor where we saw a pod of dolphins. I squealed and was jumping up and down with glee! We also visited the Texas State Aquarium where I met a very handsome parrot! He was quite the show off. I let Stephen drive home on Monday and we stopped in San Antonio to eat at a Vegan place called "Green." It was very good and I wish we lived closer to it as I would eat there all the frickin' time!

Once home, I rested for a while and then took all the blankets to the laundry mat. They were sandy and stunk of campfire much like myself! I then took The Rancho Campo 3000 (RC3K aka, my car) for some TLC. I cleaned the interior as much as I could and then washed the outside. Today I went and got stuff to really clean him and did so in the beautiful Austin sun. This weather is so what I've been waiting for! It is lovely. It was so nice, in fact, Gracie and I joined Anik and Turnip for a walk around the lake.

And that is how I ended up here laying in my bed thinking about how I wish I had more friends here to do things with. I mean really, I just wish people thought of me enough to actually call me, text me or invite me out to do things. Sigh. The end for now.

A Week in Facebook Updates.....

Starting with today's most recent.......

It's funny how when dancing with a complete stranger, there are so many unspoken cues and how things just flow. I'm sure these same cues exist in life but I have yet to really learn how to pick up on them as well. Sigh

Really should be asleep but is laying here thinking while listening to the sound of the rain outside my window. With luck, the melatonin will kick in soon and I'll have a Millie power down for a few needed hours of rest

Forgot how amazing Small Brown Bike is and purchased "Our Own Wars" for the second time in 10 years. Now who has a copy of the split they did with The Casket Lottery?? I can haz a copy? K thankx bai.

The view East from I35 and 290 was absolutely beautiful on my drive home from work this morning. It made me wonder if any of my friends in Chicago experienced the same beauty.

Would like nothing more than to share a few PBRs at Club Foot in Chicago tonight with my friends. Instead, I will go work overnight. Icky.

Taking deep breaths and listening to Owen on a constant loop.

Feels like driving and driving and driving straight to nowhere while listening to sad Lucero songs.

Doesn't know what to say. Fuck it.

Maybe I take that back, weed wacker dude. Perhaps I should thank you for getting me up and at em' at (what I call) a reasonable hour. I've been quite productive and all before 7 PM! Goooo, Millie!

Dear guy with the weed wacker outside my window, I don't like you a whole lot right now. Snort!

Puppies=Pain in the ass and loss of sleep. Grrr. Snort. Want sleep.

Was born with the gift of talking people off ledges.....

Crying thinking of Chad's Trout soft serve. Filthy

I love when things work out and I can actually have a fun Friday night out with friends and The Stef! Love ya Southies!!

Hoping to get off on time to catch part of The Beaumonts show! "Boots stay on and so does the hat!"

Had awful dreams last night one of which was about me moving back to Chicago. I remember crying and begging someone to let me go back to Austin.....Weird, huh? In the same dream I was placing an IVC and it kinked and then all the tape got messed up and ahhhhhh.....Maybe I need a vacation? I didn't even take melatonin last night!

A week of Millie life......the end.

New Leaves?

I sure have been a neglectful blogger lately. I guess the first thing I should say is Happy New Year! My life has been keeping me busy and part of it is a lack of drive to blog about life. Things are hard right now and I find I blog more when I'm upset or sad or just need to get words out of my head through my fingers and on to the computer.

Where do I start? I guess the biggest think on my brain right now is Stephen. Oh, Stephen. He is so perfect in so many ways but lacking in areas where I really need him sometimes. We have so much in common and really enjoy spending time together We laugh a lot and make all kinds of dumb jokes. There's a connection there for sure but currently there is a disconnection. Every month since we met, we've gone camping. I adore the outdoors and camping with him and the dogs is something I look forward to. I also enjoy variety (in many aspects of life). Last month it was so bloody cold and uncomfortable at night. I told him I don't want to camp this month. He's being push and rude about it and told me I can find comfort in pavement and orange street lamps. Yeah. A bit dramatic. Of course this disagreement has triggered other issues and we really aren't getting along right now. I guess I don't have much more to say about that. What I do know, however, is if we break up, I am NEVER falling for another human and will never be in a serious relationship ever again. Ugh.

Farah. It means "Joy" in Farsi. Farah came to the EAC two days before Christmas as a abandoned 6-7 week old puppy with two large wounds on her back. We joke that she fell out of Santa's sleigh and was run over. Not the funniest joke but if you knew our EAC crew, you'd get our humor. I didn't have the heart to send this baby to TLAC so I took her on as a foster. She actually was meant to be Stephen's foster but I've kept her with me mostly. I've come to realize he'd be a terrible father because when the puppy was crying in the Morning due to hunger, he wouldn't get up and take care of her. He made me do it when I was the one that needed to sleep because I had to work later that day. Anyways, Farah is doing well. She's healed up and has two speeds, dead asleep and balls to the wall crazy. Puppies are a pain in the ass but I do love them.

I'm so uncertain of so many things right now. I need to sit back and relax. I'm overnight at the EAC tonight so I should try to get some sleep. At least I got some of this shit off my chest.