Winds of Change

I woke after only 6 hours of sleep. Part of me wanted to go back to bed and I even set my alarm for my regular waking time of....well, I guess no one needs to know when exactly I wake up BUT that doesn't matter because I didn't go back to sleep. Instead, I lay here in bed thinking.

Change seems to be the theme of my thoughts more recently. I can't go into detail but I feel the winds of change blowing and I am but a leaf in the wind. After the last few weeks, I've been thinking more about my life and where it is going. Who am I? What really makes me happy? What IS and ISN'T important? Who do I want in my life and how can I make more of the relationships that I have? So many questions. Some have answers and some answers are yet to be seen. I think my biggest issue right now is my schedule.

I love, love, love my job. I am blessed to have it and realize that every day. I just feel like I'm missing out on so much of what happens. Part of it could be because I'm still so new here and everything is exciting! Is it just burn out I'm experiencing? I don't know. Part of my fear is not being able to make the few trips home I have planned this Summer due to lack of PTO and scheduling flexibility. I also have the huge weight of a 1200 lb horse on my head (not literally, of course). Something has to give. I need to sell this animal as I am in waaaay over my head with her bills. I haven't seen her in almost two years! Regardless, it is going to be a losing situation.

So yeah, that's kind of where I'm at. I do my best to roll with the ups and downs but as of late, I'm questioning them a whole lot.