Sweet Home Chicago

I got in from Chicago at about 3:30 PM yesterday. The flight was uneventful except my iPod took a dump on me 45 minutes into the flight. Today it seems to have fixed itself so that's positive. Speaking of positive, I had an amazing trip. I learned SO much in five days. So much. I learned who my true blue friends were, I learned that I really don't care about most of my extended family and I reinforced what I knew about my strength and ability to reinvent myself and move forward. I was happy to get home to my honey, my job and my pets. As much as I enjoyed my visit, I was ready to come home.

My mother really bent over backwards to make the entire trip as wonderful as it could possibly be. It's always really hard to say goodbye to her. She really added her "Martha" touch to everything she did this weekend. My birthday cake was beautiful, the food was delicious and I got some really wonderful gifts including a large tote bag that is large enough to fit all my work stuff AND Keeper!

Lucero was Saturday night. I met up with Katherine for some Yummy Yummy vegan food. I almost forgot how delicious that corn soup was. OMFG, and the bubble tea.....wow. Austin needs to learn how to make a decent bubble tea. We went over to Piece, which I hate but did it to see Eli and Vee before going to Bottom Lounge where I met up with Kathy, Maddox, Katrine, Darren, Ryan and Jen for some LUCERO! I do have to say, after seeing the boys here in Austin, NO Lucero show will ever rock as hard. The crowd sucked it hard and I did my best to not be too rowdy even though I wanted to rock out. After the show, which WAS good, I met back up with Katherine, Vee and Eli for a few beers. I entertained everyone with some strange goat noises while they made fun of my apparent "Texas twang." I grew sleepy quickly and we went back to K's house to sleep it off. That slumber party will forever be known as Slumber Party of Dooooom!!!

Sunday was my birthday. It was mellow. The day seemed to come and go with little excitement. Everything was really nice and I was happy with those who came out. Well, mostly happy.....It's funny how family members can say hello, had you a card and proceed to eat and hide in the basement watching football. I don't think either of them asked me anything about how I was doing or how Austin was. I would have rather of had 25 minutes of talking to them rather than the $25 check they gave me. Don't get me wrong, I'm very appreciative but I would have rather had the small talk. Later that night I met up with CVES folk at Underbar. That was also interesting. It was nice to spend time talking to Dr. Beyer. She's always been one of my favorites. I drove over to CVES and was greeted with leg humps and "boob hugs." I got teary when I saw everyone. It was awesome.

Monday was fairly low key. I met Durso for lunch at Happy Elephant. I miss him so much. We had a great visit, drank bubble tea and he stole a small pumpkin off the table for me. It was just like old times. He gave me a pumpkin for Halloween every year and this year was no different! I visited my sweet grandma at the hospital. We talked about life and I showed her pictures of my life here in Austin. She asked about Stephen as my mom had told her about him. She asked if I think we'll live together and get married. I smiled really big and told her that it was too early to tell but I was really falling for him. I hugged her goodbye and went back to Mom's.

Later that night I picked up Aubrey and got some OES lovin'! We spent a little time visiting before going back over to Yummy Yummy for dinner. We met up with Selena, Darren and Katherine. Selena made me the best vegan cupcakes! Wow, that gal can really bake! She continues to be one of the cutest gals I know and I couldn't be more pleased that she is dating Darren. Seriously. Margaritas at Lazo's were next. MY Katherine, Lori, The Corey, Ing, Plate, Darren and Katherine joined. It was fun! Ingrid told awesome stories that shocked and amazed. Damn I miss her! The next step was a big one. One of which I wrote in the blog entry before this one. I faced Derek. I forgave him and I now know that I can move forward. I can't tell you how great I feel. I wish him all the best, I think I always have even when I was at my most hurt.

Tuesday I kissed Mom goodbye and caught the Metra to Chicago. I took a cab to Darren's where we spent some time trying to track down the new Larry Arms record for Stephen. Instead, Darren had made me a copy on CD for him and I purchased the record online. He'll have it in a few days. I'm focusing on being the very best I can be for myself but also for Stephen. I really, really like this guy. It always amazes me how you can be in a crummy relationship and then meet the man of your dreams. Yes, I'm pretty sure he is just that. Damn. After ordering the record, Darren and I went over to Orbit Room for Tuesday $4 burgers. We were greeted by Larry who looked great and bought me a few PBRs. It was nice to catch up with him. I was shocked to see Dennis AND Patrick too! I had my usual "burger, " a mushroom with goat cheese and crispy onions. I missed that damn meal!

After Orbit we went over to Club Foot where we were greeted by Chuck and more free beer. I couldn't have been more pleased to be sitting on a bar stool in my favorite bar again. Dr. Barry showed up for a while and we had a good visit. The regular crowd didn't show which really made me sad. I was expecting to at least see Silent Ron and Heather. Oh well. As I said at veggie brunch on Wednesday, the people I needed to see were there. The ones that REALLY matter. We had a fun night of telling stories and Eli gave me a "Pentipuss" necklace. It's super cute. That night I crashed on Darren's couch and slept well.

After meeting with Katrine and Katherine at Earwax Cafe and laughing our asses off, Katrine drove me to the airport. My flight was running early which may have been the most shocking part of my trip! I kissed Stephen like 300 times before dropping him off at home. So as I said, I'm happy to be home and back to life. Thank you to all who made my trip really special. I feel loved.

Facing Fears and Letting the Past Be the Past.

I have a lot to write about my trip to Chicago but one thing I just am so proud to get of my chest. I swear I'll write all about my trip home when I get through my work week (Sunday at 2AM).

Monday nights were always "$20" drink nights with Katherine and then Continental. This became even more so after Derek and I started dating. He is the Monday night door guy. After he broke up with me and killed my heart, I could no longer do what I did on Mondays. It was totally depressing. I did go once before I moved to Austin but I knew he wouldn't have been there. This time around, I decided I was going on Monday night. Nothing was going to keep me from my routine.

I can't say I've ever been more scared in my life. My heart was beating in my throat and I was shaking really badly. He was sitting in the window when I walked up and he saw me. I think his eyes got a little bigger too. He greeted me and I was friendly as I decided I had to be. I had to forgive and get this out of my head once and for all. He asked me why I was here and told him I was visiting from Austin. He asked me how I liked it and I told him my life has never been better.

Later on in the night, I gave him a vegan cupcake and we talked a little more. I told him that my life needed the change but it was really hard. Worst break up ever, seriously. Damn heart going 100 miles an hour and shit! I ended up thanking him for the break up (but not in a mean spirited way). I looked him square in the eyes and in my most sincere voice, I told him that I forgave him. He thanked me and apologized for being such an asshole to which I responded, "As long as you know what you are." I winked, he laughed and things felt great. We both got a little heavy and decided that he should go back to working and I should go back to talking with my friends.

When I was leaving, I approached him, called him by his full name and gave him a hug. I wished him well and I walked out of The Continental feeling empowered and 1000 lbs lighter. Talk about facing your fears, forgiving and letting the past be the past. I'm not sure that after this blog, I'll ever mention Derek Dziak ever again. The end.

Total Bullshit, Dude!

I don't even know what to write. This week has been kinda sucky. I should be super excited as I'm going to be in Chicago this Friday with my friends and family. Instead, I'm kind of wishing I could just stay in Austin. It's not that I don't want to see my mom, dad and friends, I'm just not as excited as I was a week ago once I learned about all the shit going on at home.

I also learned tonight that my best friend is going to be too busy to see me for even a little while. And while this may be true, I think it is total bullshit. Listen, I TOLD you I was going to be there over my birthday weekend so don't act all shocked when I tell you I'm going to BE THERE ON MY BIRTHDAY WEEKEND. Seriously. I'm not sure where we went wrong but if I don't see you while I'm there, I'm going to erase you completely. We've sucked at keeping in touch since my move OR since I started dating Derek. Sorry I ventured out beyond our little world but what the fuck did you expect?! Ugh. I'm so sad and angry at you that I almost don't want to see you. I haven't cried as hard as I did tonight in a long time. There used to be a time when you'd bend over backwards to see me on a daily basis and now I live 1100 miles away and am visiting for a few days and you can't make an HOUR for me. Whatever.

On top of that disappointment, my grandma is sick and in the hospital. I don't even know what to say about that.

I'm going to miss my dogs, parrot, Austin and Stephen. Sigh.

Note to Self

Dear Millie,

This is a letter to yourself to remind you to slow it down a little. Remember, just because someone isn't as open and outgoing as you, doesn't mean they aren't just as interested. He wouldn't be talking about going to Chicago with you to see a Cubs/Astros game in April if he wasn't totally smitten with you. Quit being so quick to sabotage this. THIS is the relationship you've been waiting for. He isn't Derek, he isn't going to "fall out of love" with you one Friday night. Granted, love is a bit of a strong word, I know you can foresee it happening with him. I know you anticipate only great things from this relationship. So remember, focus on being yourself. He likes you, he's just as smitten and probably just as freaked out about you as you are of him. You both admit this relationship was very unexpected. Enjoy it!

Love,

Millie

Smitten with Life!

Alright, so I skipped out on Sunny Day Real Estate AND Pedro the Lion. I'm not too upset about it as Stef and I spent that night enjoying each other's company and a nice dinner at Veggie Heaven. Earlier that day we ventured to Mc Kinney State Park where we hiked a bit but not nearly as much as we did on Monday. We drank a fair bit on Tuesday so Wednesday was a little rough.

Mondays hike was at Emma Long Park. We did about 2.7 miles along Turkey Creek. It was nice and there were a fair amount of creek crossings. We laughed and joked as we often do but had moments of quiet too. There was a point in time where neither of us had said anything for a few minutes and I stopped walking and looked at him. I said, "Listen." "When is the last time you heard such silence?" It was neat.

Tuesday I did some chores such as sweeping up, doing dishes, washing dog beds and a very stinky, shedding Australian Shepherd. I met up with Stef (yes, this has been happening a lot lately) and we went for margaritas and dinner at El Mercado. The drinks were strong and only $3! Dinner was nothing to write home about but it didn't suck. We spent the rest of the night drinking PBR and listening to music until we pretty much passed out. I don't even remember falling asleep and I haven't slept that well in a long time.

We woke Wednesday and I just had to get my hair cut. I stopped at a place on S. Congress and got a great cut! I'm very pleased. I let the pups out and spent some time with them and picked Stef up to make our way to Mc Kinney. The falls were lovely and I could have sat there for much longer than we actually stayed. It felt great to have my toes in the water and the warm sun shining on my face as I lay on large rock. It really is the little things that make me happy.

Not so little things though, like what's going on in my love life, are making me SO excited. I'm pretty sure this guy is that "one in a million" you hear about. I know I felt strongly for Ronny and all but damn I'm glad that ended. Stef (Stephen) is so considerate, kind, passionate, non meat eater, animal lover and overall, a very wonderful man. Things are so natural when we're together. I knew the night we made the Vegan pizza that things were going to get serious kinda quick. Granted, we ARE taking things slow. Neither of us expected such a great connection and we're taking our time exploring and learning about each other.

My life hasn't been this wonderful a place in a very, very long time. I'm thanking my lucky stars and wondering what I did to deserve this life and these blessings.

In the Words of Perez Hilton, "This weekend was Shiteous!"

The first week back to work after my weekend off is always the hardest especially when I had an amazing few day run there with my new friend. It makes it tough to go back but I love my job and hence was happy to go back. Wednesday and Thursday were fairly easy. Somewhat steady before Midnight and then slow until I got off at 4 A.M. Friday, Saturday and Sunday, however, were some of the most stressful days I've had since I started.

Traffic was stupidly slow getting to work on Friday. When I arrived, I was the only one there. Granted, I usually AM the first one there except when Laura is working, she beats me in every time! One of the doctors shows up and we do rounds with medicine and surgery. Twenty after six came and I was still the only tech. I figured it was the traffic keeping everyone from being on time. That's when the doctor asked me if I knew how to switch over the phones to which I responded, "We don't have a receptionist?" That answer should have been obvious. So there doctor and I were, running the front desk, getting people checked in and answering the phones. This was just a prelude to how sucky the weekend was going to be.

Steph showed up frustrated when I then took a call from the practice owner. "Millie, Laura won't be in tonight, she called off sick." Now normally that's not a HUGE deal because we have another CCN on staff but tonight it was just Steph and I until our overnight crew came in at 10. I alerted the other doctor on staff that it would just be the two techs minus a CCN. By the grace of God, we managed to work through a VERY busy evening and hold everything together until Nick and Jeff came in. I have to say, Steph and I were high-fiving each other and I even patted her on the back for a job well done. We took in several transfer cases and had many people with walk-in emergencies. In all, I'm actually flattered that they allowed Steph and I to work alone with out a CCN (that is NEVER allowed). I don't know if it was because there wasn't anyone to call in or if they figured with the two doctors and us, we were competent enough to keep things running smoothly. Regardless, I was happy to go home that night.

2 P.M. Saturday came way too quick. I slept poorly and had a hard time getting out of bed. I walked in to yet another clusterfuck of a day. Laura was out ill again, Jasmin was the nurse of a very critical puppy who was getting peritoneal dialysis, Jon Jon was running rooms and Jenna was working on keeping up with treatments. The day progressed in to another very busy one. Many sad cases, many euthanasias and more stress than I could bear. I informed everyone that no matter what, I was leaving at Midnight, my scheduled time off. I had plans after work and there was no way I was going to miss out on seeing Stephen.

Stef sent me a text that he was making Vegan egg rolls and had cold PBR waiting for me. My heart skipped a beat when I told him that pleased me and his response was, "I was hoping it would." Seriously, I'm super freaked out by how awesome he is. It's unreal. I sat on his kitchen floor as he made the egg rolls. I gave him a recap of the last few days and drank a few beers within a half hour of being there. We spent the night talking, laughing, watching YouTube and listening to old Chicago bands. As we were laying there talking, I put my arm over his chest to kind of cuddle with him to which he accepted by cuddling back. At this point, I had some idea that he liked me but I was nervous to "make a move" if you will. And then it happened, a kiss so awesome, it made me melt. He began to gush about how he had wanted to kiss me from the day he met me but didn't know if I liked him or not. I was like, "DUH!" But as I've said, I don't want to rush anything and want to get to know him before jumping in with both feet.

He went back to the three days where we were hiking at Bull Creek and how there were moments where he wanted to kiss me but chickened out. He told me how he was texting his friends about how awesome he thinks I am. You could tell he was a bit embarrassed by his recent confessions but I assured him it was awesome to hear. Chad took the dogs out for me and Stef and I crashed out. We woke up this Afternoon and watched Bridezillas and I could feel a migraine starting.

Sundays at the EC usually suck but today was exceptionally sucky. I walked in to a patient of mine from the night before, dead and waiting to be prepared for her owners to pick up. That sucked. Anyways, down a tech again tonight, I fought through the worst headache and ended up vomiting. Laura was also still very sick but kicking on in true Laura fashion. I ended up vomiting in the bathroom and was able to go home once the overnight crew got in. I hated missing the hours but I was feeling pretty crummy. I hate getting migraines.

So here I am now, looking up hikes to go on the next few days since I'm off work. I'm hoping to convince Stef to maybe camp in a state park tomorrow or hike Emma Long Park. We'll see what he's up for. I'd also like to go dancing tomorrow night but I'm unsure if Dale is playing CC. Wednesday is Sunny Day and Stef agreed to go with me. I'm anxious to see them as it has been since 2001 or so.

Glad THAT'S Behind Me!

I got what I wanted with little pain. Ok, I'm a bit ouchy but I know that this feeling will pass. I checked out well over a month ago when I realized he just wasn't the right guy. He lacked excitement along with SO many other things. He was fun at the time. Good bye and thank you for deleting me from your Myspace and Facebook. Retard.

Sooooo.......I'm looking forward to Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday next week. I'm hoping to get in a fair amount of hiking/exploring. I must do laundry and get my house in order over the next week so I can get a couch from Tree and Nick. I have so many pictures to hang and things to unpack still. Part of me is kicking myself for moving all this shit to Texas when I haven't even missed so much that was in the boxes I have just stashed where my washer/dryer SHOULD be.

The plan as of now is to get things in order here so I can start cooking Vegan/Veggie meals and drink PBR on the couch while watching moves all with my new friend. I don't need a whole lot to make this place look good but it does need a good scrubbing.

I must go to bed now so I can wake up in time to get some shit done before another 1o hour shift in the ER. Night!

xoxo

Millie d. Murder