Facing Fears and Letting the Past Be the Past.

I have a lot to write about my trip to Chicago but one thing I just am so proud to get of my chest. I swear I'll write all about my trip home when I get through my work week (Sunday at 2AM).

Monday nights were always "$20" drink nights with Katherine and then Continental. This became even more so after Derek and I started dating. He is the Monday night door guy. After he broke up with me and killed my heart, I could no longer do what I did on Mondays. It was totally depressing. I did go once before I moved to Austin but I knew he wouldn't have been there. This time around, I decided I was going on Monday night. Nothing was going to keep me from my routine.

I can't say I've ever been more scared in my life. My heart was beating in my throat and I was shaking really badly. He was sitting in the window when I walked up and he saw me. I think his eyes got a little bigger too. He greeted me and I was friendly as I decided I had to be. I had to forgive and get this out of my head once and for all. He asked me why I was here and told him I was visiting from Austin. He asked me how I liked it and I told him my life has never been better.

Later on in the night, I gave him a vegan cupcake and we talked a little more. I told him that my life needed the change but it was really hard. Worst break up ever, seriously. Damn heart going 100 miles an hour and shit! I ended up thanking him for the break up (but not in a mean spirited way). I looked him square in the eyes and in my most sincere voice, I told him that I forgave him. He thanked me and apologized for being such an asshole to which I responded, "As long as you know what you are." I winked, he laughed and things felt great. We both got a little heavy and decided that he should go back to working and I should go back to talking with my friends.

When I was leaving, I approached him, called him by his full name and gave him a hug. I wished him well and I walked out of The Continental feeling empowered and 1000 lbs lighter. Talk about facing your fears, forgiving and letting the past be the past. I'm not sure that after this blog, I'll ever mention Derek Dziak ever again. The end.