The Second of Many

Dear Mom,

The silly thing about all this, is that I talk to you often enough for you to know what's really going on. I just wanted to take a minute to say thank you for your continued support and love. As the weeks go by, I've been reflecting on my life up until this point. I thrive on consistency and when it comes to it, you are one of the most stable, solid, consistent people in my life. Your strength in everyday life is enough to inspire anyone but most importantly, me. There are many lessons to be learned by watching the way you treat those around you. Even in the worst of times, you've managed to keep a positive outlook. You wake up everyday and live your life to the fullest. I'm proud to call you my mom. Thank you.

Love,

Amelia

Like a Lobster on My One Month Anniversary of Living in Austin!

As I was laying in agony last night, I realized that I have been in Austin exactly 4 weeks to the day (almost hour at that time). I heard the sprinklers go off and remembered how they did so as Chad and I unloaded the Nissan Altima of my belongings. What a drive. Funny, however, I've been thinking of driving home for a visit. I have a 5 day long stretch off in a few weeks and I may just do it! I miss my friends and family so much lately.

So back to why I was in agony....my month anniversary in Austin was spent floating the Guadalupe (said Gwad-a-loop) River with 15 of my co-workers. I've wanted to float the river since the first time Chad mentioned it in April and I finally got to! It felt nice to be invited by my co-workers and we had a BLAST! I used SO much SPF 30 it was unreal. Apparently not enough for the Texas sun. I have some really nasty sunburn on my body. My legs are killing me! Add insult to injury, I put on my cutest dress and heels and joined Chad at TC's, our regular Monday night haunt and had to take a cab home I was so ill. I didn't know which end to sit on!

With many cool showers, refrigerated aloe vera and loads of aspirin, I'm feeling a bit better today. I also realized I lost my debit card in the taxi. I was reluctant to ride Ollie as he's been acting up again. This time it was only the spark plug so no big deal. I rode over to BOA and switched my Illinois account to a Texas account and realize I must get my SS card and new Texas license sooner or later.

So what do I have to report after being here for a month? I'm happy. I can say that. I have bad hours and miss home but in all, I'm so pleased with my living experience thus far. I don't foresee myself leaving Austin anytime soon other than to visit. Of course, I can't say anything about that because I said I'd never leave Chicago and I did. I've hung out with some fun folks and feel like I'm starting to make friends. I've even been out on a few dates. Some of which have been awesome and some were just awesome at the time. I'm taking the youngin' out tomorrow night on a date. I'm excited to see him but don't know if I really feel the excitement of a relationship coming on. I'm open to it but much more guarded this time around. He's a really sweet guy though and says what he means and means what he says. I like his honesty and open heart. Maybe with time, I'll learn to open up again. Until then, I'm going to have fun with every boy I can and live my life like I've never lived before.....you know why? This is MY year for sure!

I want my CD back if you're reading this.

Liver Olympics and Lack of Inhibitions

I continue to push my limits everyday. All I can say is, "Never say never." I used to say I'd never do certain things but with most of my inhibitions out the window, I'm opening my mind and my life to all other "ways of doing things."

I'm meeting new people and having a blast. Work continues to be OK but I'm having a bit of trouble reading certain people. I keep asking myself, "Will the way I feel about this matter tomorrow, next week or next year?" I have a feeling the answer is always going to be no. It's hard to remember that in the heat of the moment but I am trying.

There are so many things I want to do here in Austin and in the surrounding areas. I really want to take a trip to San Antonio and visit The Alamo. I want to float the river (I still don't know what river or where the fuck it is!), I want to kayak, I want to see Mt. Bonnell but NOT by accident. There are all these wonderful things to do but finding someone to do them with is another. I've never had an aversion to being alone but sometimes having company is nicer.

Another issue I'm having is coping with my work schedule. It's hard being in a new town and having off hours. I guess it'd be different if I knew more people but I don't. I've been considering other options but I love emergency medicine and I DO have a job.

Next week is looking like lots of liver Olympics and swimming! Wish my friends were here to join in the fun!

The First of Many Heartfelt Letters to Those Who Deserve Them

So I've been reading a wonderful book my momma gave me. It advises you to write a heartfelt letter every week. Even if that letter doesn't make it to the person or people it was written for, doing so opens you up to your feelings and showing appreciation. The list is long but I wanted to start with my friends back home.


Dear Chicago Friends,

Making the decision to move to Austin didn't come that easy. I know it may have seemed as if it did but I agonized about the thought of leaving you guys. I want you all to know how much each and every one of you meant. I think of moments at Orbit under our tree and laughing about turkey sex or random adventures to Bakers Square because I want pie (Mr. Almost). No matter where we ended up, we were together and happy. I don't use the word love very often as those closest to me know, but I feel love for you as a group and some of you as individuals. There's little that I wouldn't do for any of you.

I've never felt so loved as I did at my going away party. There is no replacement for you, my crew. So while I'm doing well here in Austin, I think of you all fondly and dream about the day I come home and we get back to doing what we do. Darren and Durso, I can't wait to joke about my period and get really hard ice cream with raspberries and caramel. I anxiously await a Monday night with you, Katherine. Drinking the $20 drink (now $26) and then kicking it over to Continental on our scooters even though I know he will be there. We have to get back to basics and not let some schmuck get in the way of what we used to do!

I want you all to know how much I adore and appreciate you for your support and unconditional love. Without your love, I don't know who I'd be or where I'd be. You make me glow and feel alive. With you guys by my side, there isn't anything I couldn't do!

XOXO
Millie d.

Sweating in Texas but NOT Sweating the Small Stuff (And it's ALL Small Stuff)

So I said to Maxwell, "It's another beautiful morning in Texas buddy." I entered the door code to get in to the building and hooked him back up to his IVF and that's how I started my weekend. I'm getting a ton of experience with veterinary nursing the past two weeks. Not saying I didn't have the experience back in Chicago but it seems as my new hospital trusts my abilities a whole lot more than CVES did. They know if I don't know something, I'll ask. I'm only there to better the patients and if I don't know you better bet I'm going to ask a million questions. I'm very appreciative and I know I'm going to get the training I deserve here rather than being looked over time and time again.

My job is going well and for the first time in two weeks, I feel like I'm starting to "fit in." I cracked a few "Millie" jokes to which the entire TX room started laughing. It's just a matter of time before I start bursting in to song and dance as I used to. While I'm all about being who you are 100% of the time, sometimes people need to be eased in to your personality. Again, my all or nothing is learning to be a bit more selective. It's hard!

I've spent a few fun nights out with random folks, some guys and some gals. Every night out feels magical. It's times like those that I wish my Chicago friends were here. I'd love to share a coconut margarita with my crew and then scooter over to Continental Club for a night of trying to two-step (which I did fairly well last night, fyi)! I LOVE dancing and feel a lot less self conscious when I'm dancing with Chad. He's a decent lead and keeps me in check while dancing. He said, "Millie, you need a strong hand to keep you from being all crazy." I laughed, smiled and agreed that sometimes it would be nice to have that (dancing or not).

I continue to be impressed with all the guys in Texas. My, my, my....wow. Seriously. Most that I've met are such gentlemen. They hold doors, they stand up to shake your hand when they are introduced to you and they tolerate a Northerner stepping on their feet at CC while learning to dance. Of course the same holds true here, never get too excited about a boy. Chances are that they've got more going on that you know and don't have it in them to share that up front. Deleting someone from Myspace is such a silly thing......you see, as I've written about in the past, you can delete someone from a social networking site but not from your memory. So while you can hide parts of yourself from others, you can't hide yourself from yourself. Oh how I know that all too well. Of course, when there's good reason, you have to delete to move forward. I'm not going to go in to the instances in which I've had to do this but all I can tell you is, "Out of sight is NOT out of mind."

Be who you are. Embrace it and go forward. Don't sweat the small stuff (and it's all small stuff).

Topless in Texas and Other Happenings in the Life of Miz. Mille d. Murder

It's been an interesting few days here in Austin. The feeling that I actually live here is starting to settle in. It's getting a bit easier each day but I can't say I don't still get lonely and longing for my friends and the familiar. I think once Evil Ollie is up and running, I'll be feeling even better. I also can't wait to get paid. There are so many things I want to get for the apartment to make it start feeling more of a home rather than a hotel room.

Chad and I don't see each other as much now that I'm working but when we do, we have a great time. He's so fun! We ended up at The Jackalope Monday night after TC's where we ran into a few of his friends. We invited them back to our place and broke in to the pool for the 2nd time that week. We all ended up close to naked and some random guy was totally naked. The cops came and busted us but Austin's idea of busting and Chicago's are very different. It was a fun night and moments like that make me think that Austin is going to be this way all the time. All fun all the time!!

Last night was awesome. I woke up today in a bit of a haze but quickly remembered the details of the night before. Wow is an understatement. And while I'm pretty forward with my thoughts and feelings, I'm going to spare all the details that are going through my head right now. I'm not going to put the cart before the horse or whatever dumb analogy people are using now-a-days. All I'll say is he's awesome, kind, honest and absolutely handsome (like fall down cute, handsome). He made me feel really comfortable even though I was a little nervous all night. I was pretty good at hiding it and the booze certainly helped a lot. I just acted like myself and he seemed to be ok with that. On a side note, I hate the women of Coyote Ugly and want all of them to slip, fall from the bar and impale their fake tits on a broken tequila bottle.

I enjoy catching up with my friends and am doing my best to stay in touch with everyone back home. I continue to miss them as I've said but talking to them makes me feel better. I'm glad everyone is doing well and I hope to go home the 3rd weekend of July if time and $$ work out.

Ups and Downs But NOT Down and Out!

I have been completely neglectful to my poor blog. It’s not because I have nothing to say but more or less that I haven’t had a spare moment this week AND I don’t have Internet at home yet which is driving me crazy. I’ve never been more thankful for my Blackberry!

If I knew where to start, writing would be easy but I have had such a crazy week that I don’t know how to sum it all up. First and foremost, I started my new job last Tuesday. I did 3, 10 hour overnight shifts and two weekend shifts this week. Needless to say, I’m exhausted and would really benefit from a few days off in a row! I have learned a lot this week and really do like my trainer, Kimalee. She’s a nice girl and tremendously intelligent. I think she’s used to people thinking she’s a bit too hard on them but I enjoy her methods mostly. I will say she’s no Aubrey but the two of us had one of those “cosmic” connections. My first few days were really hard and I did cry a bit.

My ride to work is about 20 miles each way. Austin drivers are the scariest bunch I’ve ever had the displeasure of riding amongst. I’ve had 2 very close calls in the past week and I don’t know how I didn’t lay the bike down. I’m lucky to be such a mellow rider I suppose. Either that or those angels Mom is always talking about really do exist. Regardless, someone is watching over me. Ollie doesn’t like Austin very well. He’s been running just awful lately and to top it off, he had to be towed home on Saturday night. I was feeling quite defeated by the time I got home. Not even Kirby Land queso made me feel better even though Chad was sure it would. Some new clutch parts from ASC on Tuesday and Ollie should be back to himself sooner or later. I’m VERY thankful that Anik is letting me use her van. I’m not sure what I’d do otherwise.

I’ve been out with a few different guys and have had a nice time each time. I’m scheduled to go out with a potentially really awesome guy on Wednesday. Apparently we’re going roller skating or something fun like that. I usually stay away from the meat market that is Craigslist but from time to time I will browse the ads or even place one with the hope I’d make contact with a fairly decent human being. I just happened to respond to an ad that was absolutely hilarious. Turns out he’s a HUGE Lucero fan (you all KNOW how much I LOVE Lucero)!! He also prefers PBR to Lone Star. We seem to share a lot of the same feelings and are both really passionate. Talking to him kind of freaks me out a little because I haven’t clicked with someone on that level since…….well, never mind (no, NOT Derek).

Derek really is a small dark spot in what feels like my distant past even though March wasn’t that long ago. I wish I could have skipped all that heartbreak that I felt and just feel as I do now. And how is that you may ask? Well, I feel angry and a bit bitter that he treated me the way he did. I am also very thankful that he ended it with me as he knew (and he said it) that he was holding me back from being the best I could be. It sucks when someone feel s so low about themselves that they know they are suppressing the greatness in their partner. That must be tough to live with. He’ll have a lifetime of pain if he doesn’t learn to deal with his emotions and dysfunctions soon. I won’t lie though, the nice person in me just wants him to be happy even though I kind of want to skull fuck him really hard. Ok, enough angsty Millie.

I am missing Chicago. I miss Monday nights with Katherine and sometimes Eli and Vee. I miss eating Orbit Room’s $4 “burger” under my tree with my scooter buddies. I miss Aubrey, Darryl, Amber and Virginia on my Wednesday overnight. I miss Thursday at CVES and all the dancing and bubble tea. I miss knowing that Mom and Dad are a 45 minute train ride away. I miss the familiar comforts of a home that I occupied for 30 years. I miss Lori, Katherine and Boo Boo. I miss the 1703 camp. I miss the Chicago skyline, potholes and, I never thought I’d say it, public transit. I miss Club Foot and drinking Douche Bags with the boys at Midnight and I miss Durso, my best friend forever more than my heart will even allow me to feel. I want to hug him again and tell him about my day. I want to be able to call him to come fix my scooter, eat Italian Ice, Sushi and ride our scooters.

I think of the long list of things I miss and realize how much I too them for granted. They were right there within reaching distance and now I long for them as if I’ll never experience any of them again. And while I know I will, I just want them all to be right here with me in my new adventure. I’m happy, just a little homesick.

That’s all for now.