Before I start writing a new blog, I often read the last entry. It made me a bit sad because a lot has changed since May 10th.
Taking things back is never easy and I've made some pretty impressive mistakes this year. Some more so than others in my opinion, not Stephen's. In his, they were all impressive. In the end, they were the break down of our relationship. While preventable, sometimes you lose your judgement in the heat of the moment. I can't take it back and I'll forever live with my choices.
I'm going to miss him. I'm going to miss our camping trips and I'm left thinking about him every hour of every day. I see things that make me think of him everywhere. I'm going to miss the thoughts of our long-term plans of home ownership, chicken coops and vegetable gardens. I had a split second consideration of running away again but I'm not going anywhere. I love Austin and my life, mistakes and all.
I anticipate that my blog writing will become more frequent again being that I'm single and sad. I told him he was it. I'm not doing this again. I can't. I'm unlucky in love. I'm putting my efforts elsewhere. I need to analyze things and make changes. For me, so many great things have come out of heartbreak and loss. Let's see what comes of this.
No comments:
Post a Comment