Full Speed Ahead Until I Die!

I really want to write a book about my 20's. I keep thinking about them and how much I went through. I will stand by my statement that a woman's 20's are among the hardest years of her life. Not only does life change so much, your body changes too. I'm not just talking physical appearance but mental health changes as well.

Everyone is encouraging me to write this book but I have no idea where to begin. I really would need to get in touch with my past and the people that were in it to remind me of the details of my very rocky 20's. Past boyfriends, friends, co-workers, roommates and so on would need to be interviewed to remind me. I'm not 100% sure I'm up for that though. It could do more harm than good. I agreed that once I turned 30, nothing would hold me back. I started planting seeds that I am now starting to watch grow and blossom. I'm right around the corner from my 31st birthday and I feel that I did A LOT in the first year of my 30's. Granted I had a few rough spots, mainly the break up with Derek, but I didn't allow it to ruin me.

I still think about Derek several times a week and wonder how he's doing and what he's doing. I've had a few urges to text message him but have resisted thus far. It wouldn't be productive to my "looking forward" mentality. I do reflect on our relationship a lot and I know that in my heart it was never going to work out even though I loved him with my whole heart. I'm facing a similar situation right now. Ronny and I have been dating for a few months now and we hit it off really well. I like him a lot and even love parts of him. I can't say I love him like I loved Derek though. I don't know that I ever will feel that way about another human being again. There are so many things wrong with mine and Ronny's relationship but I don't know how to begin to put it in to words. Fuck, I know this is going to end sad/bad but I want him in my life. Right now I think he has a lot on his plate to deal with that he isn't because he doesn't see how serious it is. I don't know that he ever will.

So that's where I'm at. A bit ouchy in the heart and trying my best to not hurt anyone on my path to becoming a better Millie. I've agreed that my life in Austin is going to be the best that I can make it. There are no regrets, there is no looking back at what could be. I'm here in the moment and I'm going to be full speed ahead until I die (and yes, that IS what I'm going to call my book).